DEAR NOBODY,

As absurd as this sounds, you're the only one who'll understand.

I miss the tests, the projects, tons of homework.

Yeah it sounds like I'm a nerd but no.

It takes my mind off things.

I like having a book by my side always.

And I do. 

I do have 2 books.

I have maybe like a few leftover sums and questions to complete, but today isn't the same.

Never have I felt so lonely in my room.

Never have I been in the dark and thought about anything but ghosts.

But today, I'm not afraid of the dark.

It's my solace now. My companion. My shadow.

Never have I ever sat on my bed and felt lost.

Never have I sat at my table and felt...useless...or hopeless you could say.

like~

Why breathe if you know you're going to die anyway?

Today, I can concentrate.

I never thought that things could just turn.

I mean I know pain and joy are two sides of the coin, but how can these be so extreme?

They say there's sunshine after rain, good things after bad things- bla bla bla 

But in my life it's only felt like...

like you're only happy when something's about to be taken away from you.

What's the use of breathing when you're already suffocated inside?

What's the use of keeping your head above the waves if inside, you're just drowning in ice cold water?

Where's my fairytale?

Where's my not-exactly-happy-but-satisfied ending?

If people are just going to keep telling me that it makes me a stronger person then you know what?

It's okay.

I'll be weak.

I don't want to be strong.

These days, I can't seem to find sense in things like hanging out with people, going to the movies, for a barbecue, talking.

I could say music drowns me in a good way.

When I listen to music,

I'm someone else.

Someone who's doing what they love.

Someone who's not anchored down by such petty things.

Thats what I feel they are.

Petty things.

But I still care, you know.

You could shoot me through my head.

Rip my heart into two.

Torture me.

Perforate my lungs.

 And...

I'd still care.

Always.
~Michelle xo