BRICOLEUR

  How do you lose yourself? You're a tenth grader and you decide it's high time and you better start being serious. You do all your work, keep yourself occupied all the time so that you barely have time to even socialise, but, you stop doing the little things you enjoyed doing. You don't sing in the shower anymore and you don't wander off in your own world of peculiar imagination and you soon realise that you've lost your creativity. Before, it was so easy to get over tough times.  Of course, back then, you had support from just about everyone you knew.  I mean, you could literally just brush off your problems and begin again. But now, all your problems just seem to add up. You're less bubbly now and you barely know what to say in conversations. The distance between you and the people that mean the world to you just gets bigger and bigger. You upset people without having the slightest bit of knowledge on what you did wrong. YOU'RE MISUNDERSTOOD. You worke...

I'm sitting down at my desk right now- window wide open, wind in my face, head aching to write because its the only way I can let it all out. I realised I do a lot of thinking and one thing leads to another. I realised I make things sadder than they have to be. I make things sound a lot worse than they should. I realise that there are too many versions of me in this universe. The girl I bumped into but didn't stop to say sorry to has a version of me in her mind. The teacher who saw me sitting criss-crossed on the floor with my head against the wall like everything was coming to an end has another version of me. The guy I let copy my homework has a different version of me. Even my friends and family and everyone I have, and haven't met in my life has their own version of me that I will never be aware of. I realise I'm scared of the future and what could be but at the same time I'm scared of what couldn't be. I'm scared of the things I might have to sacrifi...

Those unsent letters Half unwritten poems Those times when you just want to complete the puzzle but you're scared that something unexpected might turn up. Should I? Or should I not? All those nights when you sit by you sit by your window looking at the grey sky and asking yourself if you even belong in this face of the world. Do you? Maybe. Maybe not. Every time you watch a candle turn into a heap of wax you realise that once you're asleep, you wouldn't really matter anymore. Would you? You don't think so. You just hope you would, really. Every time you're pushed down you ask yourself what you're even awake for. Do you think you really needed that? Yeah, me neither. Those times when you loose a person who meant everything to you. Your  everybody .You wonder if they  sit up all night thinking about it as well, or they're just getting on with it. Did you ever really matter to them? You pray that at some point, you did. Those grey nights wher...

Hey, I know we haven't seen each other or even talked to each other in a while. But I want you to know that I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I want you to know that- I miss you. Not 'I regret what happened' or 'I wanna see you again', just... I miss you . Just- I miss you. It's so strange to think that someone I knew so well is now a total stranger to me, that sometimes I go entire days without thinking about you, at all. Most of the time I let myself forget because it's easier. But then I find something- A photo, a gift, the stupid love letters we used to give each other and the full weight of what's being lost crashes down on me. Part of me wants to see you again, to hold you again, to kiss you- again. But all those feelings become empty thoughts when I look back now remembering that love isn't what it seems. It's just so easy to forget...but this isn't regret, we had our reasons for ending it and they were as valid as...

As an add-on to the last post where a lot of us could relate to school and the pressure and those useless to-do lists, I decided to highlight the reason some of us are pulling all-nighters finishing assignments and homework which we obviously could have done like three days ago but pssht- Ain't nobody got time for that. It must've been the 'weekend' or a 'favourite TV show' or feeling the need to 'binge watch every single video on Buzzfeed' (but really cmon everyone's done that at least once)- all of which were much more important (obviously) than those chapters of physics and math problems- the ones you look at and give that long * sigh * to every time your eyes find them stacked on your desk, before you walk away avoiding the long hours of hard work you'll have to put in to complete them. Flash forward to 12am Sunday night - you're probably still texting your friends telling them about all the work you didn't do and how you'...

If you're anything like me, school is just an endless cycle of  'I need to make it through this week', every week. I hate school. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing my friends and learning new things everyday.I hate school because we get judged for how well we can memorise our textbooks. We go to school 6-7 hours a day and take classes that probably won't benefit us in the long run and go home and do 3 hours of homework. We learn about covalent bonds and quadratic equations and how to prove triangles similar? Totally going to help us when we are struggling in real life situations. On the other hand teaching us how to be better people might be slightly beneficial given that  more than half the people in high school are 99.9% bitch. Now that we've established my hatred, reality is there's nothing we can do about it. The system is never going to change and neither are the people around us. We have almost 2 weeks to the over exaggerated, time-to-put-in-hard work...

Looking outside the window, I can't help smiling to myself about how obsessed I am with the quote " Autumn is such a beautiful season; yet everything is dying ". It was probably because I see it everyday. Autumn doesn't last forever in the plant side. It's passed on. To us humans. And then back again. Thus it repeats. But if noticed, autumn is more of a human phase rather than a season. The trees look absolutely stunning.  So does the girl in front of me. Like everyone who despised beauty and threw rocks at diamonds, I can't help admit that iI  once  thought she was what everyone used to say. Since she's wearing shorts, it didn't take much time while i was passing by to notice the marks on her thighs. They were claws. Jagged lines that ended abruptly. Scars. Never had anyone looked more beautiful. I have to admit, I couldn't help admiring them. They were beautiful in a way that a face of clear skin could never be, a kind that couldn't even...