OUR LITTLE INFINITY

As she switched off the last glowing light bulb making the room unbearably black, the dim glow from the crescent shaped moon poured in through the windows. Instinctively, she lit a candle and climbed upon the high risen desk to soak in the perfection that nights sky had created. A dark blue fading into a light purple with wispy clouds. It always fascinated her how things seemed so effortlessly beautiful. These were the nights- no homework or anything to do in particular. Just her, her wild imagination and thoughts she often drowned into. If only someone came along and told her that she alone could save herself from falling into her cracks.
The sky didn't have much to offer. But she never complained. The smallest things caught her eye and the simplest things were cherished. Being attentive wasn’t her strongest point either...every other thing soon became a distraction. But don’t judge too soon. She wasn’t always this way. Years ago, an innocent girl existed, with everything she ever possibly wanted. Happiness, her family, her friends, her drawings. Until- she grew up.
Innocence vanishes quickly. The happiness washed away by every problem that came her way. family ceased to matter and friends- only became stronger and closer than ever before.
She blew out the candle and watched as the dark smoky figures made their way up into the atmosphere soon becoming a part of the flawless perfection she had spent hours looking at till her eyes couldn't stay open any longer. Climbing into bed, she quickly laid down and closed her eyes. She squeezed them, as if this would put her into a trance of deep sleep.
Struggling- "Not again..." she cleared her throat preparing herself for the long sleepless night ahead. Nothing new. And it wasn’t sleep deprivation that was the poison that had been slowly, taking only a part of her as the morning sun cast its bright colors into the fading dark sky. It was the memories. The thoughts. Her mind, that haunted her. She had become a prisoner inside the shell of her body and had no way of getting out- other than shattering her own self.
But what was she? Just a body. Emotions remained enclosed deep within her bones. To people- she seemed perfect. No problems, average grades, loving parents, best friends and a special guy to hold her heart. But there was much more to her than they all had ever seen.
For some reason tonight was different. Nothing came to mind. Maybe it was her turn to control what she wanted to think of. And. She already knew. Him.
It had been a few months, a few break ups, a few thoughts and a few moments after which she decided that she loved him. She loved everything about him. After all what’s not to admire? Those glassy brown eyes that held the deepest secrets, that messy hair he swore he combed and that charming smile that made her believe that maybe. Just maybe. Love wasn’t as bad as it had seemed. She used to find herself writing about him, thinking about him more than anything else. He somehow managed to grab this wandering minds attention and kept it. She loved him more than moonlight and the starry sky. More than the changing seasons and the crunchy leaves on cold autumn mornings. More than postcards or Polaroids or old typewriters. more than record players and concert tickets or the text she highlighted in her favorite novels. She had come to love everything he was and everything he was yet to be. As days passed by, her heart swelled. She was so full of love and hope that she forgot to do what many forget to do. She forgot to leave room to love herself.
she stopped expecting- a very long time ago. It only caused her to hurt even more. With expectations comes disappointment and the thought of what could have been. It wasn’t worth the fight with herself- something she never won. At least that’s what she convinced herself. She had never been enough. Always second place, second choice, maybe not even an option. Nobody had ever wanted her and she believed nobody ever would. She forgave too easy. And could never bring herself to stand up for what she believed in. All she had become was a mere name or height or a weight, an age. Even she didn’t know who she was anymore. And the ghost of who she wanted to be lingered on.

Until.
He walked in. He fell for her heart, her mind and her soul. He saw the way she looked at things, the things that made her happy and the secrets she hid behind the eyes that never managed to look into his for more than a few seconds. He longed for her. But the walls she built up were way too high to climb over. It wasn't like he ever gave up on anything he truly wanted anyway.
He became the only person to know her darkest inner self, ambitions, thoughts. That’s when he saw how deeply and passionately she loved. Not many. But the ones she did became her everything. Except herself. The one person she could never- in her wildest dreams- learn to love.
Her mind shuffled back to nights before. When the stars had aligned and she was with him. He had held her hand. They were alone laying on the grass. And she stared blankly at the sky.
"What do you see?", she asked
"Nothing really...do you?", he replied
"of course, what’s not to see there’s-", and she went on about the beautiful view as she stared at the sky and he agreed as he stared at her. Her beautifully, imperfectly perfect face and curves and soft hair scattered around the grass. There’s no place he would have rather been, except her side.
"You're beautiful" he thought out loud shyly.
"C’mon..." she replied in disbelief.
"But why. Agree with me. You have to."
"There are prettier people you know."
"But none of them are you."
His words touched her heart. She got up from the position they were laying in. He followed.
"I don’t get it. Why do you think I am pretty…why do you even…love me?", she questioned with wild anticipation. The words spilt out. These were the unsaid. The ones whose answers will always remain a mystery- no matter what he said.
"You'd never know until you saw yourself through my eyes. When I look at you I see everything I’ve ever possibly wanted- and more. I see the world come together. I see forgiveness and truth. I want you and no one else."
"Look, I'm just another girl." she said with small eyes and a sunken head.
"You don’t get it do you?", his voice raised. Tension built and the truth came tumbling out.
"You just deprive yourself from the fact that you are capable of being somebody. Somebody significant. have you ever looked around? The way people look at you? The impression you have made? There are so many supporting you. But it’s never enough is it? You can’t expect anyone to love you when you don’t love yourself in the first place. I mean why would they? They'd exploit you and then throw you away. Just the same way you treat yourself...you can’t hold back for so long. Please..."
Tears filled his eyes and he looked away. Nothing had hurt him as much as the fact that the person he loved and cared for so much with all his heart, failed to see the spark in herself.
"I...I'm sorry.", she stammered. Everything he'd said hit her hard. And in that moment she realized her blunder of giving importance to everyone but herself.
"I'm not good enough. You deserve so much better."
she found herself collapsing into her own mistakes. The walls she'd built up proved to be inadequate. He broke them.
"No one's ever loved me for me. It's always been about the pretty faces and luring smiles. Nobody wants a broken person. They don’t want me. But. You. You just complete me and make everything feel like it’s going to get better. I..."
She had to say it now. No more holding back.
"I love you. I really do."
And she cried. More than she'd ever cried before. He pulled her close and with tears streaming down his face, whispered, "I love you much more than you can ever imagine"
They lay there. in each other’s arms under the starry night. Somehow everything had fallen into place. She learnt her importance and he had changed the way she looked at things- more importantly herself. She was more than a broken heart. She became a thousand things- her favorite books, songs, beautiful spring mornings, all the colors that can possibly be created and nothing less. He leaned in and said, "You are the sun, the moon and everything beyond. NOBODY. Not even you can take that away. Don’t ever think that you're unwanted. I want you. I live for you. You give me the happiness I've never managed to find and a day without you here by my side is unimaginable. Never leave."
"I won’t. Ever.", she said faintly and their eyes met. He sparked a fire in her that would never die. They kissed. And the rest was a blur.
Sunlight poured in and the beams of sharp light pierced her eyes. She had thought all night. Brought back memories and the splendid essence of him. Sleep didn't matter. She wanted to see him now. Those eyes, that messy hair and that charming smile excited her. He was hers to keep. The best thing she'd ever owned. He completed her. The morning clouds gave her hope and her unwritten story had just begun. Life was beautiful. He was beautiful.
She sat up and stretched. That’s when she saw him. outside her window. This early? With a brown basket and his old tape recorder.
"We're going on a picnic love. Get dressed!"
She was all smiles.  He was the best thing that had ever happened to her. And maybe she had found the missing piece she needed all this time.
Perfection wasn't the goal. The goal was to lead your imperfect life perfectly. The people who achieved this were the most beautiful. Beautiful people don’t just happen.
She had the power to conquer the world, and with him by her side they were invincible. 

She found herself and he broke down her walls. Maybe it wasn’t a fairytale but it sure was their story and the end was close to INFINITY.
Hey. This is just something I made up. A figment of my imagination I guess? Maybe something more. Tell me what you think?
~Nidhi xo