BRICOLEUR

So (chill, its not the end), here we all are at the end of another year. A not-so-great-year. 2016 wasn't really everyone's favorite. So we're all doing the same two things: 1. Either taking numerous resolutions, big or small, and saying how 2017 is going to be the wayyy better 2. Not taking any resolutions, knowing you won't stick to it and will soon give up. You're just saying this isn't your time. Well, well, well...I do not have anything catchy to say...uhhh, here we all are..?!! Okay the point is, we haven't been doing a really great job with the blog. All of us hit some lows and gave up on lots of things, waiting for the tide to turn over, and nothing has been really inspiring enough. I don't know whether I can we've tried. We were struggling. And it became harder to hold on to everything we represented, including this blog.  Well, we're hoping we could turn it around, starting 2017. And that's ironic because I came to a concl...

Im sure we've all gone through this feeling of extreme sadness where you feel like you're never ever going to get better again and the world begins to get smaller by the second and your significance seems to vanish. and then you do the terrible mistake of venting to someone you know  isnt going to make you feel better. and they give you the old "other people have it worse" dialogue. I think that's the shittiest thing to say to anyone including yourself.  Fine. I admit it. Half the time my conscience keeps saying that but it seems pretty stupid when you think about it. Saying other people have it worse is like saying you dont deserve to be happy about the small things you have because other people have it far better. ~ The Stories Untold Pt.2

So I realized that everyone who makes it big has a tragic back story. They've been neglected by their parents or lost someone who made the sun shine a little brighter in their lives or lived through some heart-wrenching-fatal-but-not-really disease.  But then there's me. My life has been pretty average and my parents have loved me and supported me throughout. Sure its not been a walk in the park but whatever has happened has probably happened to any other person. Its nothing special or unique. And that's when I found myself longing for a dreadful past that I'd be able  to tell one day in one of those interviews that all the so-called important people are questioned on. I just find something really intriguing about the way knowing what happened before the lime-light hit changes your entire perspective of the person.  So what if I never have that interesting personality for people to look at and be like wow-she's-lived-through-it-all. What if... ~ The ...

We try finding ourselves in other people and when we see ourselves fade away, that's when the so called love disappears. Love is  kinda complicated right? It has the power to build us up and tear us down all at the same time. It brings you to your knees and brushes you against the fire of pain. Well now it doesn't sound too fun. But we want it anyway. When you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes begging yourself to just hold on and be strong, just because of "love". If this is love then what's the point? It gives you anxiety and makes you feel worthless and incompetent to a point where you become the air, the breeze and just a pebble in the ocean. Love hurts. A lot. And I wish I knew why because I feel torn apart from who I used to be and possibly who I've always wanted to be but I cant walk away. He makes me feel alive but dead. He makes me want to give up but hold on. He makes me see myself differently yet the same. And I lon...

We've all been there, haven't we? That awkward stage of so-called love where you fall in love with your first crush in your teenage years and then watch them give that love to someone else who gives that love to someone else who gives that love to someone else who gives........It's a never ending chain. But then there's the super lucky people who have everything together in life and they and their partner are totally #tumblrrelationshipgoals. And you sit and wonder why your life had to be so messed up and why you could never be that person whom they fell in love with...Ugh. Teenage Love. And even more sadly, your first love never leaves you. You fall harder day by day, slowly wondering why you even exist when their totally perfect boyfriend/girlfriend makes them so happy. And for the cherry on the top, you try to convince yourself that it's for the best. Because you'd rather see them happy, even if their happiness doesn't include you.  Just admit it. We...

I think there are often times when I find that I don't belong where I had been constantly forcing myself to be. Times when nobody seems to understand or relate to my thoughts and feelings. Us teenagers are 1 part human/understanding/feelings and 9 parts hypocrite. Its funny how people are always waiting to point out your mistakes and watch you fall but when you finally manage to do something right, its overlooked. We all struggle to keep up this image that everyone knows us as and then we say we build up our own walls. Well you know what? Those walls may look like your own but they were never built by you. They were built by the people around you. Take a closer look at them and you'll realise that those bricks are marked with their weaknesses and insecurities and everything they never wanted you to become. Well now it seems too late doesn't it. There are way too many walls and not enough bridges to get around. And we find ourselves stuck behind them with no one left...

"I was in the seventh grade when I first saw you, and I fell in love with your hazel brown eyes, messy hair and silly jokes.I fell in love with your terrible puns, stunning cheekbones and your senseless talks. I fell in love with you, completely, but dear little did I know that I must never fall in love cause everything that falls breaks.My little heart was broken into a million pieces, I wanted to follow my heart but it's in a million pieces which piece should I follow? I wanted to get over you but how, cause when I'm alone the sound of our silence engulfs me and suddenly beautiful old memories of us come back to me.I swear, I tried to forget you but those memories are forever stuck,trapped in my soul. Those nights are forever jailed in all four chambers of my heart. I'm angry but I still miss you. I'm broken but I still love you..... and no matter how hard you try to pull the ocean back it will never stop kissing the shore ; no matter how high the sky rises it...

OK  I'm not literally cracking but now would be a good time to say that the exam pressure has finally started to take its toll on me. Right now so many students are trying to wreck their brains cramming in all the information they can that should have been done earlier. If you are one of them and jobless enough to read this, you should probably calm down because hey you're not the only. Here I am as living proof(despite having 10 chapters to study for my social exam and doing nothing productive today other than this). What? There's only so much I can take...*starts singing human by Christina Perri*... LOL I've been doing all I can to get whatever kind of motivation. Seen all kinds of motivational videos, set too many timers, tried to take less breaks, eating chewing gum and then hoping that if I eat the same flavor during the exam it would help me remember. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. But don't worry I finally got my motivation. And it came from my best friend......

As she switched off the last glowing light bulb making the room unbearably black, the dim glow from the crescent shaped moon poured in through the windows. Instinctively, she lit a candle and climbed upon the high risen desk to soak in the perfection that nights sky had created. A dark blue fading into a light purple with wispy clouds. It always fascinated her how things seemed so effortlessly beautiful. These were the nights- no homework or anything to do in particular. Just her, her wild imagination and thoughts she often drowned into. If only someone came along and told her that she alone could save herself from falling into her cracks. The sky didn't have much to offer. But she never complained. The smallest things caught her eye and the simplest things were cherished. Being attentive wasn’t her strongest point either...every other thing soon became a distraction. But don’t judge too soon. She wasn’t always this way. Years ago, an innocent girl existed, with everything she e...

A Short Story... You looked at me with those deep brown eyes for the seventh time that night...but it wasn't passion, it was more of a painful nervousness. My eyes asked you if everything was okay but you looked away. I searched for your legs from under the table but you had tucked them inside your chair. Communication wasn't really an option with our families around so I had no other choice other than sleeping on it until the next day. "Is it me?", I asked almost innocently. You gazed into my eyes for almost a minute before you bent down to kiss me. It felt like you were longing to hold me but something held you back. It was the first time that day that I noticed the tears in your eyes. Your hands were trembling. You wanted to say something but couldn't bring yourself to do so. "write it down.", I whispered softly. You shook your head. "Wanna walk?", you asked. We walked twenty minutes into the woods until you finally spoke up. "I...

Isn't it crazy how things can fall apart so fast? So fast that you hardly notice till everything's actually gone. And all that's left is you- and your empty thoughts. My life can't be described as a series of unfortunate events but everything has its ups and downs, right? Since the 5th grade, I lost my best friend one after the other every single year. Each year I'd make a new one and precisely the next year they'd move away. It continued on and on. Till 8th grade when I met this amazing girl. At first, I hesitated. I mean how many times can a person go through the same thing? once. twice. Maybe thrice. but a fourth time? It's not the most likely thing to happen. Before we knew it we were closer than anything. And even sooner than that. She left. It happened. Yet again. I lost the one person I'd been living off of. Thinking back, I'd say that we never seem to look forward. At what happens later. We're all so caught up in "now" that no...

"This will never come true." I don't think today, January 14th 2016, can get any worse for me. Today, one of the world's most influential character and a brilliant actor has been lost to cancer. OK, I know this sounds a bit too emotional and grave. So here's the thing. This man is my hero. Here is the man who showed me the hero hidden within others. Here is the hero who carried the pain all along. Here is the hero who was driven by good but taken to be bad. Here is the hero of sacrifice. Now I know Alan was just an actor but he played his part well and let's say is more commonly known as the Slytherin head "Severus Snape". He was know as one of the most cruel and  bad character, till Umbridge arrives and of course, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The oath "Always" is quite famous now. OK, so the point of writing this was not to just show my love and pain for Alan and his family but I realized today how much a character who...

So after re-reading the last 2 blog posts I realized I sound like a complete know it all? LOL. Who am I kidding? I might just be the most messed up person alive. And that's not even an exaggeration. This blog is something I created to stash my thoughts and ideas because it just seemed so much more useful than a journal -because writing to yourself may not be the most exciting thing after a while whereas writing to a number of people just keeps you guessing and somewhat curious about everyone else's opinion and whether or not people agree. So I've decided to write something more people can relate too. And having someone tell you that they can relate to something you've said is just the most satisfying feeling in THE WORLD. Know what I mean? Lately, I've been thinking to allot about the TYPICAL GIRL. I mean the ones we come across often and are thought of to be perfect. So what IS a typical girl? Well, I think its something society has just created and somethi...

"It's not something we like to accept. It's not something we want to go through. But it's inevitable right?" Yeah, here comes the worst thing you could possibly ever go through in your life. It's not the heartbreaks, it's not the goodbye, it's not leaving your old house, it's not moving far away, it's just the thought of having to give up on what you used to do, what you used to be. It's now what you were and what you will be. It's the thought of having to be with a different person and not the one who knew everything. But sometimes you just gotta let go, right? Honestly, most of us learn that lesson late. Well, better late than never.   HERE'S THE 3 STEP GUIDE TO CHANGE: 1.  THE BIG "WHY": So we come to...WHY SHOULD I LET GO? At some point in our lives we've all asked ourselves that. No matter minor changes or major ones, we've all been there. And it's not that we don't know what the c...