THE LOVE THAT STAYED YET WALKED AWAY

We try finding ourselves in other people and when we see ourselves fade away, that's when the so called love disappears. Love is  kinda complicated right? It has the power to build us up and tear us down all at the same time. It brings you to your knees and brushes you against the fire of pain. Well now it doesn't sound too fun. But we want it anyway. When you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes begging yourself to just hold on and be strong, just because of "love".

If this is love then what's the point? It gives you anxiety and makes you feel worthless and incompetent to a point where you become the air, the breeze and just a pebble in the ocean. Love hurts. A lot. And I wish I knew why because I feel torn apart from who I used to be and possibly who I've always wanted to be but I cant walk away. He makes me feel alive but dead. He makes me want to give up but hold on. He makes me see myself differently yet the same. And I long for the warm embraces and flinch at the thought of them. I've almost lost. Not to him. But to myself. Flashback to the time I fell so hard nothing else even mattered-when I convinced myself this would be different. This is just as grey as it has always been yet never more red. We were black and white and I should have known. Now walking away isn't an option because we are one. the same way the wind is one but many. The poison can never be differentiated and we both know who's going to die first.
 ~xo